babigirljane
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Name: darling jane
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, United States
Gender: Female


Interests: homoerotica <3
Expertise: sarcasm & dry/morbid humor


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Member Since: 3/12/2003

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Monday, November 08, 2010

People who will always matter.

I think I've been... just so sad about Joey's passing that I haven't been myself the last 3 years.
I couldn't bear to keep this blog any longer because every other entry was about him.
I guess I needed a new start.
But I don't think I will ever achieve that because I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fully stop grieving over his death.
And I don't want to. The lingering sorrow, the hurt... all of it is evidence as to how much I cared for him. Still do. So if I ever question it, if that nagging voice inside me insists that I wasn't there for him enough... the pain reminds me that I loved him very, very much.
I think it's a fair trade.

I'm writing this because it is probably my last entry? I have a new journal now. And I don't want to leave xanga - I might return weeks, months, maybe even years from today.
Who knows.
What I do know is that I feel as though I've woken from a hellish nightmare.
And anyone who means anything to me... well, they're still here. That's the best part.
I've always known who my true friends are. Always. And this further cements that.
I always knew... and maybe that's why I treated them better than some of my other friends (much to their chagrin lol).
I just knew in my heart who the real deal was, the friends who weren't all talk and crocodile tears.
The friends I call family and mean it. The people who are worth fighting for - the ones I care to hold on to.
And as amazing as it is to have friends who truly love and care for you and who will stand by you no matter what... I've learned that I can live through anything, any loss, anything life throws at me.
I'm nowhere near invincible but I am resilient and I can stand on my own.

With that said... there is one thing I'm still working on and that is forgiving myself.
I don't need forgiveness from anyone else - the past is dead and buried, so leave it. What mattered then probably doesn't matter now.
But I need to forgive myself.
For me.
And maybe for him.


Friday, August 20, 2010

You were one of the better ones but you weren't the best.

Over and out.



Destroy, she said
My love again
The end will come quickly

Don't try again
To make amends
You'll just end up sinking

If you explode in aftermath
Don't think you've been dreaming

Destroy, she said
My love again
When it's not worth keeping.


Sunday, June 06, 2010

                                   
0
50
100
%
Openness
94%
Conscientiousness
63%
Extraversion
19%
Agreeableness
38%
Neuroticism
63%

Trait Explanations

In order to interpret your raw trait scores, they were compared to the first 350,000 people to complete the full MyPersonality Big Five questionnaire. This allows the way that you described yourself to be put in the context of how other people respond to the questionnaire. You should remember that there are no fundamentally good or bad personalities, as each trait description has potential advantages and disadvantages. To help you reflect on these, you have also been given some questions which ask you to consider the implications of your trait descriptions. Other people viewing your personality profile will not be able to see these.

Openness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 95% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is far more intellectually curious and sensitive to beauty than most. You might say that your beliefs are individualistic and frequently drift towards the unconventional, and that you enjoy your imagination and the exciting places it takes you!

Reflective question: What place do you think that tradition has in society (if any)?

Conscientiousness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 52% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is random and fun to be around but that you can plan and persist when life requires it. From your responses it appears that depending on the situation, you can make quick decisions or deliberate for longer if necessary.

Reflective question: How do you go about organising your workload?

Extraversion

This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 1.5% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Your answers describe you as someone who doesn't need lots of other people around to have fun, and can sometimes find that people are tiring.

Reflective question: How do you like to spend your spare time?

Agreeableness

This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 5% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is willing to make difficult decisions when necessary, and will point out when something is wrong no matter what other people might feel. Your responses suggest that you would say that you can be tough and uncompromising.

Reflective question: When others are experiencing problems, what do you do?

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)

This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 92% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who tends to be more self-conscious than many. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can find it hard to not get caught up by anxious or stressful situations. You might say that you are in touch with your own feelings.

Reflective question: When do you not feel in control of your emotions?


Research has found that the Big Five personality traits are significantly related to Jungian Typology (e.g. the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). This is a popular alternative personality framework regularly used for personal development, in which Types are used rather than Traits. Based on your Big Five trait scores, your estimated Type is shown below (if you have already taken a Jungian Typology test and got a different result, this can be changed from the More Options section).

INTJ

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

INTJs are very analytical individuals. They are more comfortable working alone than with other people, and are not usually as sociable as others, although they are prepared to take the lead if nobody else is up to the task, or they see a major weakness in the current leadership. They tend to be very pragmatic and logical individuals, often with an individualistic bent and a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism. They are also commonly not susceptible to catchphrases and commonly do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank or title. Hallmark features of the INTJ personality type include independence of thought, strong individualism and creativity. Persons with this personality type work best given large amounts of autonomy and creative freedom. They harbour an innate desire to express themselves; that is to be creative by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs. Analyzing and formulating complex theories are among their greatest strengths.



Saturday, June 05, 2010

Feeling kind of faded.
A little out of sorts.
Work tomorrow. I work one day this entire week, cool. I should have spent my days off filling out applications instead of miserably moping around.

Lying, cheating and preying on the kindness of others are not good traits in a person.
Yet they are apparent characteristics in so many people, myself included.




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